Emotional Regulation
Emotional Regulation is ability to regulate your emotions so that you can get the outcomes you want instead of being carried away by your emotions.
In everyday life this looks like:
- When you are in a disagreement, or heavy conversation, your internal world stays stable and you can respond and not react. You find that you can say the thing you want to, in the tone you want; you also can listen more effectively & accurately.
- You are in a negotiation for something that you want and instead of getting nervous, you are able to think clearly and navigate the best solution possible for all parties.
- You receive an email or text that normally pushes your buttons, with emotional regulation you can sit with it for longer and respond appropriately instead of just sending something in the heat of the moment.
- You are disappointed by something that didn’t work out. Instead of wallowing, you have the the ability to see the situation for what it is and not let drag you down.
- You are stressed about a family situation. You can put the emotions to the side to navigate the situation appropriately to the outcome you are wanting.
- You find that you can access happier feelings more easily & you snap/overreact less.
Focus
Focus is the capacity to keep your attention engaged with what matters, for long enough to make progress, without being pulled away by internal or external noise.
There are 4 parts to Focus – Direction (What to pay attention to) Sustaining (Staying with it over time) Filtering (letting irrelevant stimuli pass) Recovery (Bringing your attention back when it wanders)
In everyday life improved focus looks like:
- You start one task, that is the most important next step, you work through it until you finish it, putting aside distractions like new tasks etc.
- You walk into a room to grab something, you pick up that one thing without seeing something that prompts a new activity.
- You start your day and actually do the thing you set out to do instead of scrolling on your phone and procrastinating.
- You recognise that something is distracting you, then you move back to what you were doing with little to no friction.
- You work on the most important task first, despite how you feel about it.
Calm
Calm is having an internal reservoir of stillness that is unaffected by external factors. It can be a very unusual feeling for those who have lived in constant chaos in their life.
In everyday life, having a strong sense of calm looks like:
- Looking at your full schedule in the morning and still feeling grounded and capable.
- Being alone in the evening and feeling settled, not restless or lonely.
- Making a mistake and simply correcting it, without the need to judge yourself or panicking.
- Something happens and you just deal with it as straightforward as possible, not making a bigger deal than is required.
- You are listening to a friend vent or tell a story and internally you aren’t getting caught up in fixing it, interrupt or defend.
- You find yourself in a hectic situation but you feel like time is slowing down and you can think clearly and still make appropriate decisions.
- Laying down to sleep at night and your mind is clear, not ruminating on the day endlessly.
- Something happens and you don’t feel the need to tell everyone about it and keep talking about it.
Clarity
Clarity is knowing what you want, clearly defining it and feeling you have the ability to gain the practical skills to make it happen.
In everyday life having Clarity looks like:
- Sitting down and being able to write out what you want in each area of your life.
- Leaving relationships or situations that don’t fit anymore with a clear mind because you can see how it is no longer for you.
- You have a large task but you are able to see, and complete, the steps in order.
- Setting a clear boundary with a friend and enforcing it if it is broken because you have clarified why it is important to you.
- Sitting at the end of the day and being able to identify if you feel bad about something you did that doesn’t align with you. Then being able to rectify the situation then and there.
- Recognising what situations are in your control and are important to you and focusing on them, instead of getting side tracked with other things.
- Prioritising tasks and the steps of tasks and being able to complete them in the correct order of priority.
Flexibility
Flexibility is the ability to flow between tasks, conversations etc seamlessly. When the brain is flexible it is easier to cope, think creatively and deal with the changing world.
In everyday life, having a Flexible Brain looks like:
- Something small or large doesn’t go as planned but you can just find another way to move forward.
- You are in a disagreement and you know you are right but it’s suddenly ok for you to not need to press your point and let it go.
- If you preferred meal isn’t available at a restaurant, you happily try something else without complaint.
- Someone is giving your feedback but you can now listen without becoming defensive.
- You have been looking forward to something and it just got cancelled. You recognise that you are upset but you can change plans easily.
- Someone in your family wants to organise something that you normally organise, you find it is easy to let them handle it without having to micro-manage them.
- When you realise that something isn’t working you can face the reality of the situation and change your plans and expectations accordingly.
Resilience
Resilience is your ability to bounce back after a setback. Having a resilient brain means that you don’t get stuck when something happens, you can move forward easily.
In everyday life, having a Resilient Brain looks like:
- Someone you love breaks up with you. You are sad and have grief, but you don’t let it impact you for an extended amount of time, you are able to accept it and move forward.
- You had happy experiences in the past but that phase is over now, you can move into the next phase with lovely memories but you aren’t living back in those happier times now, you can create new memories.
- You wake up in a bad mood but you can still move forward with your normal routine.
- You make a mistake at work but instead of letting it affect the rest of the task you can reset and move forward without letting it affect the whole project.
- You had an argument with someone you care about, you can recognise that you have feelings about it, but you don’t let that one incident compound and ruin the relationship. You could share how you felt and then moved forward.
- You have a car accident and you can just ring the insurance company and get it fixed without having it drag your mood down for weeks.
- Your ex does something unacceptable but you can take it for what it is and not let it affect the goal of raising your kids well.
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